It's official: PEN/Beyond Margins.
Hooray!
I'll have a post on contests as a concept forthcoming...
Sunday, September 6, 2009
on virtual friendships
i've been thinking a lot about virtual friendships. html giant had this posting recently asking if people were friends with writer/artist types, and that got me thinking about virtual friendships and why they're so attractive.
growing up, i didn't have a lot of friends, but i very much so wanted to be social. i wanted it so badly that i began to gossip, telling all my family friends anything & everything i knew, regardless of how it affected others. i was fairly young then, maybe 5-7. maybe younger. the point is, though, i understood that people would give me attention if i had something to give them. this legacy of unhealthy notions of friendship has followed me.
throughout high school & most of college, i--like most young women--flirted my way into friendships. and yes, duh, women flirt with women. it's socially acceptable. it's socially desirable. these are things i enacted without being conscious.
now, though, i'm more aware. does that change things?
but back to virtual friendships: what is it that makes them so attractive? well, the most obvious answer is that people are looking for validation, and if they can't find it in the "real" world, they look for it in the "virtual" world. people who are socially awkward in "reality" can have huge followings "virtually." besides, if you're actively blogging, facebooking, etc. etc. etc., when do you find time to be social? (of course, there is a balance.)
here's something that sucks: many people rely on the virtual world because they're unaccepted in the real world. the virtual world just gives people an opportunity to be doubly rejected. man, rejection sucks.
here's the hitch though, what happens when virtual world & social world intersect? that is, when you meet your virtual friend in real life... over the years, most of my writing friends (with a few exceptions: frances, kirsten, michael... well, now kirsten & michael are virtual friends since we don't live in the same place) have been virtual friends. when we (writer virtual friends) correspond, i don't mind being utterly vulnerable with them, mostly because i know i'll probably never meet them, and if i do, it's at AWP or some conference where there's no time to really talk anyways. except when there is. interactions that were once smooth, intelligent, smart, funny, and so on become stilted, awkward, filled with gaps. why? well, obviously, we're used to technology mediating our friendship. we're used to having time to think, be witty, whatever.
here's the other thing: when we type and email or whatever, the person on the other side is still a mystery. we just see an email address, a name. maybe we've read their book or stories or poems. we have a romantic sense (not as in romance, i want to sleep with you, but romance as is archetypal) of the other person. when we're confronted with a real person on the other side for the first time, of course, there's bound to be disappointment, and not just physically.
next, no matter how quick virtual interactions are, even with chatting, i'd argue that all virtual interactions are one-way. there is no real "conversation." i type something. send. you type something. send. but that "send" takes away the "conversation." there person on the other side may or may not be there. may or may not be real. may or may not be genuine, but none of that matters because i've sent "send." it could go anywhere. (i haven't really thought this part through. there are holes, i know.)
anyways, &now is coming up. i'm excited to see old friends (who i actually know) and meet new old friends (whom i've never met). i guess this post is a precursor to that.
i haven't blogged much over the past few months, but i'm back. say hello to lily, virtual world.
growing up, i didn't have a lot of friends, but i very much so wanted to be social. i wanted it so badly that i began to gossip, telling all my family friends anything & everything i knew, regardless of how it affected others. i was fairly young then, maybe 5-7. maybe younger. the point is, though, i understood that people would give me attention if i had something to give them. this legacy of unhealthy notions of friendship has followed me.
throughout high school & most of college, i--like most young women--flirted my way into friendships. and yes, duh, women flirt with women. it's socially acceptable. it's socially desirable. these are things i enacted without being conscious.
now, though, i'm more aware. does that change things?
but back to virtual friendships: what is it that makes them so attractive? well, the most obvious answer is that people are looking for validation, and if they can't find it in the "real" world, they look for it in the "virtual" world. people who are socially awkward in "reality" can have huge followings "virtually." besides, if you're actively blogging, facebooking, etc. etc. etc., when do you find time to be social? (of course, there is a balance.)
here's something that sucks: many people rely on the virtual world because they're unaccepted in the real world. the virtual world just gives people an opportunity to be doubly rejected. man, rejection sucks.
here's the hitch though, what happens when virtual world & social world intersect? that is, when you meet your virtual friend in real life... over the years, most of my writing friends (with a few exceptions: frances, kirsten, michael... well, now kirsten & michael are virtual friends since we don't live in the same place) have been virtual friends. when we (writer virtual friends) correspond, i don't mind being utterly vulnerable with them, mostly because i know i'll probably never meet them, and if i do, it's at AWP or some conference where there's no time to really talk anyways. except when there is. interactions that were once smooth, intelligent, smart, funny, and so on become stilted, awkward, filled with gaps. why? well, obviously, we're used to technology mediating our friendship. we're used to having time to think, be witty, whatever.
here's the other thing: when we type and email or whatever, the person on the other side is still a mystery. we just see an email address, a name. maybe we've read their book or stories or poems. we have a romantic sense (not as in romance, i want to sleep with you, but romance as is archetypal) of the other person. when we're confronted with a real person on the other side for the first time, of course, there's bound to be disappointment, and not just physically.
next, no matter how quick virtual interactions are, even with chatting, i'd argue that all virtual interactions are one-way. there is no real "conversation." i type something. send. you type something. send. but that "send" takes away the "conversation." there person on the other side may or may not be there. may or may not be real. may or may not be genuine, but none of that matters because i've sent "send." it could go anywhere. (i haven't really thought this part through. there are holes, i know.)
anyways, &now is coming up. i'm excited to see old friends (who i actually know) and meet new old friends (whom i've never met). i guess this post is a precursor to that.
i haven't blogged much over the past few months, but i'm back. say hello to lily, virtual world.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
finishing stories: an update
so far, i've finished 16 stories. i'd like to finish 21 stories for the collection, and i have more than enough in my vault of "story starts."
thing is: there is an odd gender balance. of the 16 stories, only 4 are from other women. when i originally solicited unfinished stories, there was a gender balance.
so i wonder: are women more "protective" of their writing? or is this merely a coincidence? would i be so generous to share my work with others? is it a question of generosity? i'm not really sure i'd even be able to answer this until it happened, although i love the idea of collaboration.
of course, i've had males voice their concern over sharing their work, and i think this is perfectly legitimate. furthermore, i could do ANYTHING with these stories, and these writers would have their names attached to it.
certainly, i don't write this as any kind of criticism! it's more of a curiosity. i'm grateful to those who have shared while fully understand why others have not. i'm not really sure what i'm saying. mostly, i haven't blogged in a while.
i do have to say though, i think the stories i've finished are pretty cool. it's exciting to have starting point, and i don't even have to come up with my own story!
thing is: there is an odd gender balance. of the 16 stories, only 4 are from other women. when i originally solicited unfinished stories, there was a gender balance.
so i wonder: are women more "protective" of their writing? or is this merely a coincidence? would i be so generous to share my work with others? is it a question of generosity? i'm not really sure i'd even be able to answer this until it happened, although i love the idea of collaboration.
of course, i've had males voice their concern over sharing their work, and i think this is perfectly legitimate. furthermore, i could do ANYTHING with these stories, and these writers would have their names attached to it.
certainly, i don't write this as any kind of criticism! it's more of a curiosity. i'm grateful to those who have shared while fully understand why others have not. i'm not really sure what i'm saying. mostly, i haven't blogged in a while.
i do have to say though, i think the stories i've finished are pretty cool. it's exciting to have starting point, and i don't even have to come up with my own story!
Friday, June 5, 2009
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Saturday, May 9, 2009
New Book
I sent out this email earlier to some folks about a new book I'm starting. If I didn't email you, please don't have hurt feelings. Instead, send me YOUR unfinished story to: finish.a.story@gmail.com.
===
So summer is almost here. I have just six more finals to grade, and I have no writing projects.
And this is where you come in... This summer, I'd like to write a short story collection, but I'd like to finish YOUR stories (or something resembling stories). If you have something to spare that is unfinished, please, let me finish it. After I've finished it, I'll send it back to you, just to make sure you're not horribly embarrassed with what I've done with your work.
I'll try to finish the collection this summer. Then, I'll edit (& I'll ask for your input, of course). Then, I'll start submitting in September. Too easy for you, huh?
So, will you play? Send me your unfinished spare stories. Let me finish them. Let's have a mash up, collaborative story fun summer.
oxox,
Lily
===
So summer is almost here. I have just six more finals to grade, and I have no writing projects.
And this is where you come in... This summer, I'd like to write a short story collection, but I'd like to finish YOUR stories (or something resembling stories). If you have something to spare that is unfinished, please, let me finish it. After I've finished it, I'll send it back to you, just to make sure you're not horribly embarrassed with what I've done with your work.
I'll try to finish the collection this summer. Then, I'll edit (& I'll ask for your input, of course). Then, I'll start submitting in September. Too easy for you, huh?
So, will you play? Send me your unfinished spare stories. Let me finish them. Let's have a mash up, collaborative story fun summer.
oxox,
Lily
Thursday, May 7, 2009
On Realism
For the past couple weeks, in the midst of the insanity of existence, I've started writing again, which is wonderful. And I'm not really sure why, but I started working on a novel, a realist novel. Having not written within the confines of realism since grad school & blatantly autobiographical work, I thought it would be fun, a new challenge perhaps.
But what I've found is, whereas I am writing (I've averaged a couple pages per day for the past couple weeks, give or take a page or two here and there) efficiently and the work is ok, I'm not having fun. Realism doesn't seem to be a constraint that fits with me.
So I wonder how others work with realism. I'm so much more comfortable with my world of two-headed mermen and old cat ladies.
Also, check out FC2's blog. There's a new podcast there with my personal hero (and editor) Kate Bernheimer. She's reading from the newest installment of the Gold sisters. It's pretty exciting. Hearing her blog last night, I immediately wanted to throw out all that realist crap I'd been working on and start playing again. I want to start enjoying what I write.
Do you think writing realist fiction is inherently unenjoyable? Probably not. Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm wired the wrong way.
But what I've found is, whereas I am writing (I've averaged a couple pages per day for the past couple weeks, give or take a page or two here and there) efficiently and the work is ok, I'm not having fun. Realism doesn't seem to be a constraint that fits with me.
So I wonder how others work with realism. I'm so much more comfortable with my world of two-headed mermen and old cat ladies.
Also, check out FC2's blog. There's a new podcast there with my personal hero (and editor) Kate Bernheimer. She's reading from the newest installment of the Gold sisters. It's pretty exciting. Hearing her blog last night, I immediately wanted to throw out all that realist crap I'd been working on and start playing again. I want to start enjoying what I write.
Do you think writing realist fiction is inherently unenjoyable? Probably not. Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm wired the wrong way.
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